By Tshegofatso Senne
The concept of self-pleasure is often spoken about as something that only horny adolescent boys do.
You know how it goes, their wet dreams are made public knowledge as running jokes in most coming-of-age (pardon the pun) stories. For girls, it’s a wonder if masturbation is even brought up. When it is, it’s thought of as something one only does when they’re single and lonely. If you’re non-binary or gender non-conforming, masturbation isn’t even something people speak about in relation to you.
While many of us have grown out of this thinking, there are a lot more people who still consider masturbation to be something that isn’t for them. Which, of course, is fine (as long as they keep shaming and policing others to themselves) but for those of us who like to dabble in ourselves, let’s have a chat.
I love masturbating. It’s honestly the best thing I could have ever done for my own pleasure and now I can safely say, for the pleasure of others too. I love masturbating so much my Twitter display name was Count Fapula for years. I partake in, talk about and share the glory of self-pleasure with every person who is even slightly interested in becoming happier with their sex life. Once I had given myself my first orgasm I was trapped indoors for a few days with nothing by my little yellow vibrating bullet, an ever-depleting data bundle and maybe some popcorn. Since then I’ve had weekend turn into blurs because it was just me, my hand and my trusty steeds. Those same weekends have had me wonder if I was doing too much and had me googling whether I was killing my clit or not (you’ll be happy to know that this is just a myth).
I remember the first time I touched myself until I came. I remember the first time I made myself squirt. I remember and am thankful for the fact that I can constantly revel in the pleasure I’m able to give myself. The best thing I ever did was become comfortable and happy with how my body experienced pleasure myself, before I involved anyone else. Other than the incredible pleasure, this was one of my main reasons I became a masturbation evangelist. And there are many reasons people masturbate. Some do it out of complete boredom, others to get closer and more in tune with their bodies, some to simply relax their bodies and get some rest. I, very specifically, do it because it’s an act that is specifically designed to give me pleasure - who wouldn’t want that?
I love masturbating and I also love talking about it just as much. Listening to people share about the pleasure they give themselves, the reasons it makes them so happy (besides that all powerful rush of endorphins, of course) and what they get from the art of intimacy with yourself. From improving your mood and discovering new turn ons, to enjoying your own self-contained pleasure and controlling every moment: the build up, intensity and the power of edging. Some people are fans because it helps them sleep - that after fat nap is supreme - while others do it specifically for “the control, the duration, the difference, the consistency. Oh. The independence. SO sexy,” not to mention “the confidence I have post nut is unmatched. Nobody can tell me shit, I am a Goddess.” Felt. On a spiritual level.
So go on, grab your ass, scratch your arms and abdomen, tease your nipples, play with every part of your body that brings you pleasure, run your hands on your sides, or just lie in your bed with your pants barely off - just make your body feel good. Don’t just let pleasure be for other people, develop a relationship with your body and treasure making it feel amazing. Relish in these words: “An ode to my body, just giving it exactly what it needs, how it needs it.” The freedom of being able to do as you please, just for you and get to the best point of it exactly the way you know will be most pleasurable.
Keep touching yourself! Whatever your reason (or lack thereof), enjoy every moment. "The power is literally in your hands.”
Till next time!